As I sit here, writing this post, I am 8 months pregnant, and humbled. I am reflecting on the magnitude of welcoming new life onto the planet; it’s amazing. It suddenly hits me that as a mother of 3 Black daughters (a two year-old, the soon-to-be-here, and step-mom to an amazing young woman), I’m embarking on an epic journey. I have a wonderful opportunity to affect change in your lives and also in our community, by helping to raise phenomenal women. I hope this letter helps.

This is not a complete list of ALL the wisdom on the planet, but here are some of the most important lessons I’ve learned in my short 31 years on this planet:

 

You deserve to be happy and fulfill your goals and dreams. People always say that without actually meaning it. The truth is that some of your dreams will scare people because they are outside of THEIR comfort zones, so they will hate on your vision and scare you into backing down. They will think they have your best interests at heart, but they are really moving from their own fears. Black people (and especially Black women) have always had to play it safe to survive, but now you don’t have to. As long as you’re not breaking the law, harming others, or becoming a lifelong mooch, go for it!

Happiness and Perfection don’t mix. This society teaches us that we have to “have it all” to feel good about ourselves and be happy. We needlessly kill ourselves in pursuit of the perfect life: the 4.0 GPA, the perfect body, the perfect diet, the perfect partner, the perfect social life, the perfect family, the perfect job, etc. It’s actually impossible, and impossible to achieve. I’ve gone through my own bouts of depression trying to achieve this. I now realize there’s no such thing as perfect, and I find happiness from accepting my beautifully flawed life and self. Now, this doesn’t mean that you don’t try for your goals or self improvement, but you just don’t base your self-love on whether or not you achieve them.  

You must learn how to take care of yourself, especially if you want to be useful to others. God bless the child who has her own.

It all starts with self-love. Your ability to rise, fall, get back up. Your ability to be successful all starts with loving yourself. Society won’t always make you feel beautiful, but you are gorgeous and powerful. And when you embrace that about yourself, you are a force to be reckoned with!

You are NOT a reality show. It’s not your job to be catty, petty, and superficial, just because our society tells you that that’s who you need to be. Just because you might have pain, doesn’t mean you get to inflict pain on others. If you find that you start to feel vindictive and petty, check yourself and work on yourself. You are a Black woman, and a Queen. You don’t need to bring other people down to make yourself feel better. When you do, you dishonor your heritage and divinity and power. You bring life, you don’t take it.

Love ALL people as you love yourself. Yes, all people. Even those you can’t stand. Yes, even your Donald Trump’s (there, I said it). Now, love doesn’t mean that you accept abusive treatment from someone or that you don’t confront people that hurt you. You definitely don’t need to socialize with them. It just means that you recognize our interconnectedness as human beings.The older you get, you will realize that all human beings, stripped bare, are really yearning for the same things in life, basic love, validation, and acceptance. It’s when we are denied these things that we act a fool, and don’t act in accordance with our soul’s potential. But trust me on this one, do not judge and belittle those who are struggling with this, because at some point in your life you too will struggle with this. We all will, we all do. When you set out to truly love everyone that you realize that we all have back stories of pain, hardship, and struggle. People act from their own wounds, not because of something you did. It allows you to forgive them more easily, and move on, and live happier, because you stop taking other people’s behavior so personally. A lot of people will tell you that this is weakness, but it actually comes from a place of tremendous strength and self love. When someone injures you, if you remember this philosophy, you won’t drown in your suffering. And believe me when I say that the bully and one who injured you is suffering 10x more than you are.

You’d be surprised how many problems and conflicts are resolved with love and kindness. Our society says you have to be a badass and mean, but that’s not true. You should be strong and defend yourself. You should fight back against injustice, and speak up when something is unfair. But don’t be a bully. You need to be better than your oppressor and operate using a different code, or else you are doomed to recreate oppression in your life and on the planet.

Always tell your truth, and live there. Lying dishonors your soul, because it forces you to not live in harmony with yourself. When you lie, you create a lot of anxiety and stress for yourself because you build fake persona that take a lot of mental energy to maintain. Telling the truth will sometimes be difficult and painful, but lying to yourself and others is always more painful in the long run. Once you have told the truth (whether to yourself or others), it will be so much easier to find a solution to your problem. But when you lie, you run away from reality, and it prolongs how long you stay stuck with a problem.

Get your finances right and tight! Pay your bills on time. Trust me when I say you can’t outrun them. I’ve tried! You think you can when you’re young, because you feel invincible and you think you can get away with it. But you can’t, and you won’t. Pay your bills on time, because it will make you feel good. Part of loving yourself and honoring your self is taking care of your finances. When you do this, you really do empower yourself and make it possible to pursue you dreams. You also become a self-sufficient Black woman that can help her community!

Help others. You come from a legacy of beautiful struggle and resistance, and you are only here today because of those that came before you. Never forget that. Never forget that you are helping to pave the way for those who come after you.

Always ask for help. We are not meant to go this road alone, we are not perfect, we ALL need help. This doesn’t make us flawed, it just makes us human. The longer you go without asking for help, the more depressed you get, because you are lying to yourself. It might feel like an indulgence, but remember that we come from communities that were communal and supported each other. This idea of doing it all by yourself is a new American concept. Ask for help for EVERYTHING (academics, finances, relationships, organization, wellness, your children, etc). Now that I do it, the quality of my life is far better!

You deserve an excellent partner who will treat you with respect and truly love you. Don’t get confused, love is not about what a person buys for you, it’s about your souls touching, mutual respect, and seeing each other’s worst parts and loving each other through them. It is the deepest demonstration of vulnerability and patience you will ever experience. It’s about not your partner’s job to heal you or complete you. You come together as 2 healthy people who love themselves and don’t need the other person to complete them. For example, I love your dad, but if he started dishonoring me and disrespecting, I would be ok to leave.

Create boundaries, in which you take care of yourself. Don’t overwork at work or in activism. Don’t overdo. Remember to have fun and renew your spirit, so you can continue to help others. If you don’t, you will burn out and then you will abandon the work and community work all together. Michael Moore said it best:

“Let’s remember MUSIC. Take a breath. The rest of the chorus will [continue to] sing. The rest of the band will [continue to] play. Rejoin so others can [take a break and] breathe. Together, we can sustain a very long, beautiful song for a very, very long time. You don’t have to do it all, but you must add your voice to the song.”

 

And finally, NEVER forget your worth. You are the light of the World; act accordingly.

I love you all so much and I’m so proud of the young women you are, will be, and will become.

Mom