The term “workaholic” is one that’s thrown around a lot and that most of us are familiar with. It’s a very common thing in our society for people to work way too hard and way too much. Many companies and industries (like tech, education, law, and medicine, etc.) have all but done away with a 40-hour work week. And with income levels staying pretty stagnant since the 1970’s, more and more people are turning to “side hustles” and multiple jobs.

For many years, I was a teacher and worked in non-profits. I would have never considered myself to be a “workaholic”. Hearing that word made me think of people who choose to overwork because they are obsessed with getting rich or becoming moguls. I literally imagined a woman in a power suit, sitting in her large, but cold and austere corner office, overlooking some amazing views in Manhattan, working until 8pm,. She was always exhausted, but ambitiously making her way up the corporate ladder. Certainly, there was no way that I–a Special Education Teacher running around from classroom to classroom, in yoga pants, in a drafty building with mice everywhere–could be considered a workaholic!  

But, as it turns out I am a card-carrying member of the Certified, bonafide Workaholics club. And thankfully, I am now in recovery. 🙂

As a teacher in my 1st year, I used to spend every waking moment working! And when I finally had free time, I was too fried to enjoy it. I’d watch a Law & Order marathons, because I was too tired to utter a coherent sentence, let alone hang out with friends and family.

I would get to work at 6:30 or 7am, start teaching at 8:10 and do that until 3:17, and then stay at work until anywhere from 5:30 to 7pm (on the nights when I wasn’t taking 3 hour classes). After I had kids, I would go home right after work, I would attempt to hang out with my baby (I only had one at the time), spend some time attempting to take care of my mom, try to have coherent interactions with my husband, friends, and family, and then do even more work after my baby went to sleep. Whew!

It took me a while to really see myself as a workaholic, because I didn’t feel like some mogul-in-training who was trying to get ahead. Instead, I felt like a victim of my circumstances and a victim of my work. I wanted desperately to teach, but didn’t want to be swept up in crazy working conditions. I felt like an unwilling participant in the craziness, someone who got caught in a storm…

I’ve now come to realize that me and my imaginary power suit lady actually have a lot more in common with each other than I previously thought. Like so many other workaholics, we shared a deep need and desire to feel validated and to feel “good enough”. So many of us try to find ourselves in our work. We search for work and accomplishments to make us feel whole and complete. So many of us throw ourselves into work because it’s where we get to feel most accomplished and worthy. And that was definitely true for me.

I loved teaching, but I also had a need: I measured my success by how tired I felt at the end of the day, by how much I had gone the extra mile for a student, by lunches skipped, by hours spent grading papers on the weekend. There was a badge of honor in it for me, a martyrdom that made me feel like a good, valued, and needed. The idea of being of being truly dedicated to my students made me feel like I could silence my insecurities once and for all. I wasn’t sure of who I was or what my worth was if I wasn’t needed by others.

There’s nothing wrong with loving our jobs and being passionate about them, but it becomes problematic when we NEED our jobs, and our identities are caught in our jobs.  

Ultimately, I started to burn out because I had no balance. It got to the point where I wound up hospitalized for pneumonia and other conditions that doctors said were due to stress!

Here are some important tips I’ve learned from that whole experience:

UNDERSTAND THAT YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY

Remember this, because it is key and vital. If you consider yourself to be a workaholic, you may have resigned yourself on some level that that’s the way life is supposed to be, and that’s just the way work has to be. But, you will only treat yourself as you believe you deserve. So, let me just remind you that you deserve to pursue your passions and desires! You deserve to go for the gold! You deserve to have time for yourself and time for what/who you value!

YOU DON’T HAVE TO STAY WHERE YOU ARE

If you just can’t stand your job, just just make a plan. You deserve to change it, and you matter. Come up with a plan and stick to it with actual concrete goals and next steps.

Now I’m not suggesting you directly and quit your job tomorrow. If you have the financial means to do so right now then more power to you. If you don’t, start sitting down and thinking about a plan that moves you forward step by step. The pay-off is worth it.

TREAT YOUR NON-WORK TIME AS SACRED

Enjoy your time off. Enjoy yourself thoroughly and fill your free time with things that make you happy. Purposefully create something fun to do during the week, and don’t just wait for the weekends to come.

SET LIMITS AT WORK

Set limits at work so that you can really enjoy your time. Don’t be afraid to leave, and don’t feel bad… you will be a better, more productive person at work and in life, when you do fun things. Think of your time as preventative medicine that will help to keep you mentally and physically fit.

Don’t be afraid to say “no” to things that are going to put you over the edge! We often make ourselves think that we are getting pressure from others to say “yes” to everything, when in reality, it’s often our own inner critic and negative self-talk that makes us say “yes” to things all the time. We think that we’ll ruin relationships or that the sky will literally fall. But, I promise you that is largely our own imaginations at play. I still feel uncomfortable about saying “no” sometimes, but 90% of the time, no one cares! You have a lot of power here!

ORGANIZE YOUR PRECIOUS TIME

I was one of the more disorganized people on the planet, but I have since learned that when I sit down and organize my time, I am able to be more productive and efficient AND organize a good amount of downtime! It’s great. So many of us have so-called “down time”, that is unscheduled so you feel guilty about using it, and you spend all of the down time obsessing over your to-do list. But if you are purposeful with your time and scheduling, you won’t be worried about what needs to get done, and your free time can really be restorative.

GET HELP

It can be so hard to make change on your own. I needed therapy and and coaching to help me become aware of my patterns and how I was sabotaging my own peace and happiness and to get help. You deserve that too! If you need a complimentary Breakthrough Session with me to figure out what’s blocking you from making progress, I’d love to support!

Also remember that people fought and died for your right to have a decent quality of life. And whether they were in your family, in your community, in your ancestry, and/or in labor and civil rights groups, they fought for your right to not be worked to death. You have a responsibility to those you love and to yourself to stay sane at the end of the day,  at the end of the month, at the end of the year. And if you won’t do it for yourself, then do it for them. Because after all, no one wants to visit you in a psych ward. That ish just ain’t cute.